Lindsey's Rant Book

I need ...

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:31:40 GMT

.... a victory.

Even a little one would do. Just something to help me feel better and more motivated to do things.

I've found a way to explain to Dave my ongoing exhaustion in a way he understood perfectly first time. As a result of my three-four week illness I've gained negative modifiers to health and energy stats. I need to buy off these modifiers with XP, which can be gained through rest and increasingly bigger tasks.

Gamers. What else do I need to say?

Rhubarb! Rhubarb! CUSTARD!!

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 21:50:53 GMT

I'm currently panic-stricken. See, it's the Flower Show on Saturday, and I was just not wanting to travel, for the usual reasons plus feeling unwell and having PMT. Anyway, I forced myself to book a ticket last night for tomorrow but today I have felt even more unwell. I phoned my mum to say I didn't think I'd be able to make it but it transpires that my brother and his demonchild are currently visiting, so they are going to collect me tomorrow morning.

ARRRGGGHHH! The flat is far too cluttered and messy. I've been so panicky about the mess that instead of packing I've been finishing one of my monsters, with a brief foray into Saints Row 2 (Dave says I can't take the PS3 with me because Batman Arkham Asylum is out on Friday). Worried about a problem? Ignore it completely until you have practically no time in which to solve it.

I'm not worried about them being judgemental & being mean about the mess, more about them feeling sorry for me cos I'm not able to keep my home the way I'd like it. And I still have to pack my clothes, make two items of jewellery and finish two baby jackets, though the last I can do while travelling and on Friday.

So - I'm going to clean the bathroom, tidy round the living room and nuke the kitchen. Bomb the site from orbit, wot?

Mother will want to see my stash. She has heard many tales of my wool, pattern and book collection, and she will want to inspect. She ain't going to get a good look because it is in Vast Disarray but I can imagine she is going to be stunned and unable to parry.

Anyway, time to stop procrastinating and get cracking.

Except I must mention how awesome the game Saints Row 2 is. Not only do you get to steal cars, kill people and shoot down helicopters with RPGs, but you get to run around nekked streaking, and you get to flash people. There is also a vast amount of shopping to be done, because you earn Style Points by buying new clothes and cars and shit, and Style Ranks give you bonuses in the amount of Respect and Money you earn. Watching Dave play has led me to the conclusion that he should have had Sindy dolls when he was a nipper because he's always buying new clothes for his character and changing her outfit. It also makes me glad he's a bloke because a lot of the outfits he picks are minging. I gave meself hysterics the other day by dressing my character in black leather chaps, black leather bra and a g-string, then having her ride round on a bike. The hilarity comes in when you realise that you view the character from behind and the movement of her buttocks as she turns corners etc is quite realistic. I had to change her outfit after I gave myself stomach cramp from laughing so much.

Ranty Rant Rant

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 23:48:15 GMT

I've offered a gold to three people and an alt vine to someone else, and have any of them got back in touch with me to say yay or nay? Nope. Well, the alt vine has grown up and if I don't get an answer to the latest gold offer I've made, I might just keep it for myself.

And I can't find my crochet hook case, and I NEED to crochet. Fuck wank bollocks.

Unhappy face

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 22:29:52 GMT

I had to go into town today to get some things for Dave. I was reluctant to go but he needed lunch stuff so I forced myself through the door.

I hadn't gone very far when I just started to feel very lonely. I just felt that there wasn't anyone I could just phone and say "Hey, want to come for a wander?"

Dave says, "What about Jeanette?" You know, it's pretty fucking sad that a 72 year old is his first suggestion, and anyway, Thursday afternoons are bingo. Jeanette has something scheduled every day of week, there isn't any room for spontaneity. His other suggestion is that I do a college course. I just don't see the point in even trying again. I can't make to the community centre twice week and that's ten minutes walk away, a place where I feel safe, and where I'm known and know lots of people. How can I manage the college?

Plus out of the, mebbe, two courses I'm interested in, one of them is already attended by people with whom I don't feel comfortable.

Dave asks why I don't enjoy craft groups as much as I used to. I think it's partly because I am feeling more myself, and I'm tired of having to always have my brain set to Lowest Common Denominator. For fuck's sake, half of the Wednesday group have learning difficulties, how much interesting conversation am I going to have with them? It's all Corrie, what party they've been to and what party they going to go to. It's hard to have any kind of grown up discussion never mind on the sort of subjects I enjoy, because of the education gap, the geek/nerd gap, the thinking gap.

I think there's a cycle to my loneliness. Maybe I should keep track in case it's linked to lunar cycles or something. Then I can tell myself, I'm not really lonely, it's that phase of the moon.

And if you haven't been watching Desperate Romantics on BBC 2, watch it now! It's brilliant.

Need some crafty input

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:21:49 GMT

http://www.flickr.com/photos/penguinhorde/3769368255/sizes/s/

I'm supposed to be making pieces to go on Homecoming wallhanging. This is my first one. It's supposed to be Robert Burns' head (I was working from this picture
http://anhedoniapoetry.wordpress.com/2009/01/19/happy-birthday-mr-burns-what-a-looker/)

Anyway, for various reasons I don't want to just do his features, not least because I don't think I can do a job good enough to satisfy myself.

I want to put a quotation across the facial area instead, probably "Ae fond kiss and then we sever" because I think it fits with the idea of emigration.

What do you think? Would it work? Tell me, tell me NOW! I want to move onto my Irn Bru and Tunnocks Tea Cake pieces, because I'll probably enjoy making them.

Nom Nom Nom

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:27:45 GMT

http://www.instructables.com/id/4-minute-Chocolate-Mousse/

Now if only I had some 70% cocoa chocolate and some whipping cream just lying around ....

Dairy Milk and semi-skimmed just don't cut it in these circumstances.

But I do have to do an online Asda shop. Whipping cream freezes, doesn't it?

I like the idea of emergency chocolate mousse but these ingredients aren't store cupboard stuff in this home.

Reality Check - Failed

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 12:22:55 GMT

Man, everything today is so loud, so fast, soooooo whizzzzzy. It's like having all the bad effects of being stupendously drunk, while not actually having had any of the 'good' ones. I feel like I've shifted a couple of degrees to the left of reality. Very Cthulhoid.

That's what happens when you fuck up your meds. Interesting sensations though (that's objectively, not subjectively).

Painkillers, then bed.

At last!

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 11:01:23 GMT

I have found a male my gold draggie will breed with! Last week she gave me a gold egg, and this week too. And one of my silvers has finally given me a silver egg as well.

I am currently knackered. We went to Norn Iron for a week, came back Friday and I'm still recovering. I've now been in every county in Norn Iron, even if most of it was closed until Wednesday. I've been to the Giant's Causeway, which was hoaching with people. I have photos of ducks and swans and trains. No castles ;)

Some of my tiredness will be due to the fortnight long period. Ack! Hopefully it's now over and I think I should get some iron tablets to restock my natural resources. Dave has been nagging to go to the doctor about it since we got back.

I have to get ready to go out now. Lunch out with Jakob, plus some shopping. I need some knitting needles because I can't find the ones I want to work with the sock yarn I bought in Belfast. I'm thinking of knitting a pair of Jaywalkers, because I'm in a chevronic mood.

Gratuitous Spending

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:31:17 GMT

I've been swithering about embroidery frames. Closetmonster knows. Anyway, I came to a decision and found a cheap online shop which supplied the kind I want to try first.

http://www.siestaframes.com/acatalog/siesta_bar_frames.html

You buy pairs of 'bars' in whatever size you want, and then fit them together to make the square/rectangle you need for your work. They come in a huge range of sizes.

I got five pairs of bars for £6.85, plus £1 for P&P. (Their DMC embroidery threads are 49p a skein BTW.)

http://www.needlecraftexpress.co.uk/

That's cheaper than some of the individual frames I've been looking at - let's hope they're worth the money. I should have looked for reviews but I was overcome by impulse.

Stop Me!

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 10:26:55 GMT

I've been looking at fabric.

Now I want lots of it. Particularly this one http://tinyurl.com/c3awyk

and this one http://tinyurl.com/dyt8rx and this one http://tinyurl.com/ccje6f and these

http://tinyurl.com/cs9ba8
http://tinyurl.com/d2fdnc

But I don't have any idea for what I'd do with them, apart from love them of course, so I'm not allowed.

Maybe I should find a sewing project so I can justify buying one of these. It's okay buying random fat quarters, but metres of fabric is somewhat harder to pass off as an impulse buy.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find me a sewing project I can do. Go go gadget readers!

Dundee Woman Fatally Crushed by Exalted Books

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 16:10:36 GMT

Need I say any more on that front? Apart from AVALANCHE!

I was only trying to retrieve my box of felt so I could make a pincushion. Drat that boy and his Exalted obsession.

Late night self pity

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 00:55:35 GMT

I mentioned before that I've been feeling very disconnected from the world, and have been getting more and more withdrawn. The doctor agrees with me that I need to take positive action to reconnect, to push myself back out into the world while distancing myself from the things Out There which have been causing me stress.

Hence resignation as Chairperson of the community centre. It's been two and a half years, and I think I've done a reasonable job. There wasn't anyone else at the time to do the job, and now there is. I was going to try and see this out until the next AGM for various political reasons but I've been having too many anxiety attacks connected with the position. I have felt much less anxious since I made the decision, and even less since I told them last week.

My depression is biting me hard, despite this being the time of year when I usually perk up. There is probably a connection to Dad's death, so the doctor says I need grief counseling. He says I cope very well with my illnesses in normal run of things, but I don't have much in the way of spare reserves to deal with any additional problems, and that's why I'm struggling. Another reason, then, for stepping down from the Chair. The energies I used for that can now be put towards resuming Normal Service.

I think that I'm actually coping very well with the bereavement but in combination with my other 'issues', it has tipped me over the edge.

Anyway, we decided that I should try and reach out to the world again, try to take part in the Outside, even though it is the last thing I want to do. I'm forcing myself to do things because I know from experience that I enjoy them, that they will provide me with feelings of accomplishment and pleasure. Sounds odd, doesn't it? Forcing oneself to enjoy oneself.

I've been knitting a scarf in entrelac for the last two weeks. The project strikes a happy balance between mindless and interesting. I went over the four foot mark today, and now I'm getting my knickers twisted because I don't know when to stop and cast off. I've had to force myself to sit and knit, because otherwise I'd just have been brooding about all kinds of unchangeable things. With the wool I've got I could probably add another three feet to the scarf, but that might be excessive, given that it's seven or eight inches wide. It would start to resemble swaddling. There's the plan of knitting until I'm bored of knitting it, but it's main purpose has been therapeutic, boredom doesn't apply to the project. As I haven't decided on a replacement therapeutic project yet, the scarf can continue for a few more days.

Of course, I haven't been able to decide on a replacement project because of the apathy consuming me. I want to make a small tapestry picture using lots of differently textured stitches, on a canvas I've painted myself. Good plan, except I don't know want I want the picture to be. Inspiration is everywhere and nowhere. I've spent hours looking at projects and photos online for something that grabs me, but there hasn't been anything that has attracted me more than anything else.

Perhaps I should just start by stitching a pincushion, and see how that goes. We mostly cleared the table today, enough so I can craft at it. Now I just have to make an actual decision about what I'm going to make.

Anyway, self pitying question for today - what do you do if you reach out to the world, and the world doesn't respond, because you are too insignificant to be noticed? Over the last week I have emailed several people as part of my Be More Sociable drive, and I've not had a single reply. (Not referring to any regular readers here, just to clarify.) I haven't any responses to anything I've posted anywhere. I've become invisible online as well in life.

So...

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:02:36 GMT

Rav Day UK 2010 is in Stirling, being held on the uni campus. Convenient for some people, except they don't knit. It is likely to be held just about the start of the Fringe, so ... :D

In other news, I'm doing rather badly at the moment. Doc has told me I have to go to craft group and not be so withdrawn - it's hard though. I just don't feel social. I also feel disconnected somehow.

I had a manic spell yesterday morning, which was bad because I was exhausted but couldn't stop cleaning. There is some epic re-shaping going on inside my head, paradigm shifts even. No idea yet how it will turn out.

I'm baaack!

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 19:31:21 GMT

After the best part of three days with no access, turns out the problem was AVG 8. I uninstalled that, and wow! the interweb exists again.

Now, I have acquired another silver while offline - I wonder how that happened?

Plus I have an alt vine hatchling? Still interested, Fi-beast?

Is that slobbering I hear?

Awesome!

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 00:00:58 GMT

After twenty years, and many fruitless searches on Friends Reunited, my best pal from school has got in touch. Fanfuckingtastic!

Butterflies!

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 05:56:15 GMT

I had to get up. I couldn't sleep because I was so uncomfy. I have a Krakatoa sized spot forming on the side of my nose, and it was bothering me with its pre-eruption shennigans. (I have now TCP'd it, in the hope of killing it before it grows any more.)

So what do I do in the middle of the night? Hang around the DragCave forum, of course.

The result is a gifted silver egg.Woohoo!

I tried breeding my gold but she turned down her prospective stud. The alt vine's babit turned out normal (puh!) but there's always next time. In fact, the next egg has been laid less than a minute ago. We can live in hope. The alt vine parents' have had sex but haven't produced any eggs. Wasters! Sex just for the sake of it is against the Bible, you know. Eggs must be produced! Otherwise you will be smited!

Yes, I am feeling a bit silly. Why do you ask? Nooooo, it's hours and hours and hours since I had chocolate cake. I haven't even looked at the chocolate cake or even sniffed its delicious aura.

Oh, yeah, cake. I got twelve silicon cupcake moulds for two quid in Asda. Actually, I got twenty-four for four quid, but you know what I mean. And not just in pastel colours either. I got a set with orange, red and some other hot colour that I cannot currently remember.

Yes, I am feeling a bit random. Why do you ask? I'm only thinking about visiting the chocolate cake.

Last week we picked an egg with the code arsm. I have resisted the urge to call it Arse, because Dave says it is a swear word. So I went with Ars Magica, which everyone calls Arse Magica anyway. Works, huh?

I could breed Grangemouth and Bathgate, and force Gnole to raise their bastard children.It would entertain me, at least.

I was thoroughly selfish earlier. I've had a rough week, getting progressively more and more wound up (even with Tuesday funtime), and the weekend was horrendous. Today (Monday 2nd Feb that is) I felt relaxed and completely unwound up for the first time this year. However, I had a community centre meeting to attend, and I knew if I went, I would get myself all stressed again. So I didn't go, I stayed home and played Lego Star Wars and attempted Lego Indiana Jones. I don't feel guilty, either.

In fact, I'm thinking of meandering upstairs now and playing some more Lego Star Wars.

My luck is so in!

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:26:56 GMT

One of my bred black eggs just hatched an alt!

sara_halfelven will appreciate its mummy's name, and obviously (to knitgeeks) if it genders female, it will be named Jade.

Still waiting for the lawyers' letters though (another knitters' in-joke).

Go Crazie Go Crazie ...

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:21:22 GMT

I gotta gold egg. W00000000000000000000t!

Courtesy of the Giving Tree! I overcame my shyness and fear of talking to strangers, and asked for the egg someone was offering. I even managed to get through the whole PM process without being too weird (I think).

Here's hoping that the egg will hatch nicely, and then breed well. It was one of a clutch of three gold eggs, so while we know that genetics are even slightly involved in this process, one can hope, yes? Even if it is all pretty much random.

And why am I up so early? Well, see, I went to bed at half past midnight. The boy was out and came back about forty minutes later, just as I was nearly asleep. He wasn't sleepy at that point and was going play Lego Star Wars, so I got up to watch, because I have now been sucked into the PS3 thing myself, and had spent the evening playing the game, and I wanted to garner information from the boy. Then he eventually got tired and went to bed, when I was about halfway through a new level, then he summoned me to bed while I was fighting Darth Maul, so as soon as I finished off that Sith badboy, off I went to bed again about 3.15.

Unfortunately, I was still too over-excited to sleep properly and after only dozing I got up again a couple of hours later. I'm going to regret this, but if I hadn't up been up, I wouldn't now have my lovely shiny gold egg.

I think I could maybe sleep now.

And I will need to knit lots today to work out the kinks in my hands caused by hours on the Playstation.

OMG OMG

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:24:39 GMT

Is this an Alt Vine? Is it? Is it?

It's a funny colour!

Surely the whole point ...

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 14:43:47 GMT

of online shopping is that I don't have to carry masses of bags long distances?

My Asda shopping just arrived forty-five minutes early. The mannie had forgotten the wheels for the boxes, was on his own, with a van door that doesn't close properly and these reasons meant that I had to help him carry my shopping from the van up to the flat. There was a LOT of shopping because I had to re-stock the freezer (when we left hurriedly before Christmas, neither us checked how much electricity there was in the meter - entire contents of freezer defrosted when Dave returned).

Me now have cramps in my back, so me rewarding self with one of Dave's Mars Bars. I was going to do some housework but now? I don't think so, not yet.

Ducky Face...

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:40:21 GMT

That bad Dave is picking on me. He got me to play Little Big Planet last night, and he helped me a bit I couldn't do, and now he says I've got to do that level over and over again until I can do it by myself or he'll make me do lines!

I don't want to swing. I want Dave to do my swinging for me. (To which Dave says, Only if it's going to be with lesbians.)

Yes, I'm back in balmy Dundee (no, that's not a joke). Got back yesterday, and I am knacked.

The funeral went okay, and no one actually got hypothermia at the graveside (I think) - it was like -4. I missed much of the minister's speech because I was distracted by the large drop hanging off the end of the undertaker's nose. Was it going to freeze? Was it going to fall? You can understand the interest. My English relatives were stunned by the cold. That was mildly entertaining too.

Anyway, it was a beautifully sunny day, just bollock-shrinking cold. Me poor ole dad is probably deep frozen by now. I don't think the temperature in the village made it into positive numbers all the time I was there. Certainly the frost has been in place, unlifting, for nearly three weeks. Last Tuesday, the frost in Lanark was so thick and hard, the bus shelters became completely opaque. Luckily it was warmer yesterday.

Today I'm wearing one pair of socks for the first time since 21st December. Several times I was wearing tights AND two pairs of socks. Today, I couldn't help sniggering every time time someone muttered about how cold it was. Tonight it is a positively balmy 2 degrees Celsius. Any warmer, and I'll need to get me shorts out.

To the Fabulous Fi - I will phone, but I'm just all talked out right now.

You know how often we've joked about the chaos that would be wrecked upon the world if there were two of me? Well, there IS another, and he's fourteen and good at sciences. My youngest nephew is so like me, it's terrifying, though Dave says Campbell has nicer hair than me, all silky looking (wtf!). Parts of my brain are still reeling of the shock of having to cope with a teenage male me. Good job I'm on a bucket of pills.

And my brother drives an Alfa Romeo. Why was I not surprised?

Dave has just put on Snakes on a Plane but I want to play Little Big Planet. He may have created a monster. I'm going to whine at him now. See you guys later!

And Happy New Year!

PS Campbell is a WOW addict

No words, really

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 20:54:27 GMT

My dad died last night. Went to sleep, and didn't wake up. Was his 70th birthday.

Very neat and tidy, huh? His six score years and ten ran out.

Making arrangements to get home tomorrow. Dave coming with for a few days, then he goes to Belfast. I think we want to be just ourselves for Christmas.

No need to buy pork pie this year. Dad always had to have pork pie for breakfast on Christmas Day, I don't know why. Tradition.

Thanks very much, Fi and Andy, for getting hold of Dave so he could come home. Andy, he's sorry he didn't reply to your message; he just checked with his manager then phoned me, then left.

Fi, could you keep an eye on our scrolls while we're away? I don't think I'll have internet access while I'm away and Dave is worried about doing it wrong.

Mine: Woolverine
His: Captain Kronos

I'll PM you the passwords in case stuff needs doing.

We could have a Christmas Eve funeral, but my brother says that's too soon, so after New Year probably. He'll be buried in Leadhills Cemetery.

I hope you all have a good festive season. Enjoy your loved ones. We're planning B-movies (courtesy of Dave's collection) and other distraction activities (knitting? no doubt). Hope to see you next year.

We should be okay. It's just such a big shock, because despite his disabilities and diabetes his health was okay. He certainly didn't look seventy, more like fifty.

Apt...

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 19:42:26 GMT

Which creature of the night are you? Your Result: Sorceror Control is the name of your game. You are a studied tactician and scientist and you seek a kingdom where things make sense, damn the morals, even if you have to create it. You are cold, calm and calculating.
Cthulu Spawn
Demon
Vampire
Incubus/Succubus
Werewolf
Ghost
Which creature of the night are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I'll make Dave do this when he comes in. Last time I did a quiz, I was a siren and he was a TROLL! I was making bridge jokes for days.

And I would just like to say that I had never realised what hard work being popular is. I made it to the centre today, and I was knackered very quickly, because of all the demands for my attention. Being upright is currently a problem. I nearly fell asleep in the lift! I wonder what the concierge would have done?

And as Desperate Dan has a ned dog, does that mean he's a ned, or did it become a ned dog breed because all the neds wanted to be like Desperate Dan? Enquiring minds need to know.

I fucking love Americans!

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 00:09:05 GMT

Forget all the stupid, crappy stuff they do.

Look at this!

http://www.pajamacity.com/

and this

http://www.bigfeetpjs.com/

Linkies, as promised

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 23:01:17 GMT

https://www.getsnuggie.com/flare/next?tag=ED|SM|GO|GN|

www.slanket.com

http://www.sahalie.com/jump.jsp?itemID=10498&itemType=PRODUCT&path=1%2C2%2C1398%2C1413&iProductID=10498 Oh god oh god check out the additional views for this. I nearly choked to death.

http://www.sissonfamily.com/Sewingroom/pages/2006projects.htm Halfway down the page are instructions to make a 'snuglet'. I wonder if you could turn a duvet into one. Wow! Three yards of fleece, that all! You can buy pengy fleece and sheepy fleece, you know. Time to shop?

http://www.tamponcrafts.com/angel.html

http://craftastrophe.net/

I'm being persecuted. I haz to stop looking at my stuff online so The Boyfiend can order his stuff from Play. Or rathers, I haz to order his stuff from Play. I always expect the Irish Persecution ;(